Eternally
by Xx.Hikari The Light.xX
Summary: Pain. Death. Heartache. These are all emotions that we must all deal with at some point in our lives. But what if that time comes sooner than you expected? Can you deal with such a painful tragedy or will you succumb to the darkness within?


_**Xx.Hikari The Light.xX: **__I thought that I would just throw this idea out there and see where it would lead me. I wanted to do a "What if?" kind of story regarding Noah's Ark. What if those that had lost their fights and inner struggles never returned from the Ark? What if they were lost forever? This is just my view of what Allen would be thinking if that all had really happened. So without further ado, please enjoy and review! _

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own D. Gray-man or any aspect of the anime or manga._

_**Shout-outs: **__This little number is dedicated to my friend B (dragonkiana) who is also my Allen-kun. Yes, I'm Kanda, the grumpy one. XD_

_**Pairings: **__Slight AllenxLenalee (Comfort/friendship)_

_**Warnings: **__None. _

_**Summary: **__Pain. Death. Heartache. These are all emotions that we must all deal with at some point in our lives. But what if that time comes sooner than you expected? Can you deal with such tragedy or will you succumb to the darkness within? _

* * *

**Eternally**

"One life lost brings about a thousand sleepless nights; any more and you've damned yourself to an eternity of hellish nightmares…"

Allen jolted awake for the third time that night, feeling every inch of his body drenched in a cold sweat. He panted heavily and ran a shaky hand through the disheveled mess that was his hair.

He had had that dream again.

His friends… Lavi, Krory, Kanda… They had all slipped from his grasp and were consumed by the darkness. He had failed to save them and now he was forced to pay the price…

Laying his head back down on the pillow, the young exorcist gazed solemnly up at the ceiling. He knew that any attempt at sleep would be pointless so he simply tried to focus all his thoughts on the coming day's events. Positivity was more than difficult, yet he closed his eyes and began to think of all the things that could put an instant smile on his face.

He knew that when he got up to go down to the cafeteria, Jerry would prepare all of his favourite foods just as he liked them. Lenalee would come to say, "Good morning" and then sit and talk with him until he was finished his hundred portions. He chuckled at that thought and then tried to pull up more heartwarming memories.

It was then that a sudden headache came on, causing him to squint and sit up, now holding the sides of his head protectively in his hands. The more he thought about the happiness he had left in his life, the more his head ached. It almost felt as though he shouldn't be happy after losing the lives of those so close to him. Even though he knew deep inside that sadness and depression would not lead him anywhere, it was hard to escape the horror that now lived inside his mind. So many memories lost and nowhere to run or to hide. But could he face such tragedy in his current state? One could only hope for the best…

As he continued to fight his growing migraine and bring up more lost memories at the same time, he ran into a roadblock…or more specifically, a _mental _roadblock.

Something was amiss. A certain memory was buried deeper than the rest. What was it?

Only a minute on the clock ticked idly by before he came to a sudden realization. It was more than a mere memory; an entire figure was missing from the picture. It was as though their face had been erased from all corners of Allen's mind, yet mentally seeking to be remembered once again. The voice, such a happy-go-lucky, childish-sounding voice wished only to be called by name one last time before it disappeared forever, only to be heard in the world of dreams.

"Lavi…" was the only word to escape Allen's mouth before he closed it again and fought back the tears that threatened to fall. Still sitting in an upright position, he balled up his fists in his lap and tilted his head down, his bangs now hiding his grief-stricken eyes.

Nothing could strike his heart harder than the pain of losing one of his closest best friends. Of course, Lavi was more than just a good friend to Allen; he acted like an older brother more than anything. They were an inseparable pair and would always be there when they needed each other the most. Bringing those thoughts to mind, such a loss became an even heavier weight to bear.

As he now let the tears fall freely from his eyes and trickle smoothly down his cheeks, he let himself be consumed by thoughts of his friends, the ones he would only see again in his dreams. His only hope was that he would never forget those that he would forever care for and never lose the ones that were still here by his side.

Before long, Allen soon drifted back into a deep sleep, knowing that everything would be all right as long as he still remembered…

* * *

"Allen-kun!" Lenalee called as he knocked several times on the young teen's bedroom door. "It's time for breakfast!"

Upon hearing the urging female voice, Allen tossed and turned in his bed, rolling over onto his left side and tried to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, the banging did not cease. He tried to cover his ears with his pillow to drown out the sound, but to no avail. Finally, he decided that he better get up and answer his friend's calling before she began to worry.

As he literally dragged himself out of the bed, he grabbed his white shirt and black pants that were both hanging over the back of his desk chair and slipped them both on. He also put on a pair of socks and slipped his shoes on. Taking into consideration that he had only had on a pair of black boxer shorts, he found it only courteous to cover himself up, especially in front of Lenalee. Who knew what Komui would say, or more importantly, how he would react if he found out that she saw him half-naked? He was better off playing it safe and not thinking of those consequences.

When he opened the door, Lenalee stood before him, her face lit up with its usual heart-warming allure.

"Hi Lenalee," Allen greeted, trying to sound just as cheerful as his female friend. Of course, she knew that he was saddened by the loss of their friends, as was she, but she always made plenty of attempts to lift his spirits to soar higher and higher. He was glad to have her still with him to brighten even the darkest of his days.

"It's about time you got up, sleepyhead," she teased jokingly.

"I know, but I had a long night. I just couldn't seem to sleep the whole night through; I kept waking up off and on." It was those words that caused the girl's smile to fade and was soon replaced with a serious expression.

"You were thinking about the others…" It wasn't a question; she knew the answer, but wanted to hear it come from the exorcist himself.

"Yah…" he sighed as he paused momentarily to breathe out and then backed up into the room to have a seat on the bed. Lenalee followed him, seating herself next to him, concern now etching across her features.

"That one scene keeps replaying itself over and over again in my head. The ark is destroyed…Lavi, Kanda, Krory…gone forever…" More tears leaked from his eyes, falling onto his now balled up fists. Suddenly, he felt two small, yet warm arms wrap themselves around his shaking body, calming his nerves almost instantly. He glanced over to see Lenalee with her head rested on his shoulder, her eyes closed and whispering softly.

"Please don't cry, Allen-kun… I miss everyone too, but I know that they would only want us to be strong. They will always have a special place with me and with you…and with everyone else who remembered them so well…" She then rested a hand over her heart and smiled gently. "They will always be right here…"

Allen smiled and leaned over to rest his head on Lenalee's, pulling her into a friendly embrace just as she had done. The two remained in the position for a few moments before breaking away and gazing into each other eyes.

"Thank you Lenalee. Thank you for showing me how to be strong. I know that I can face this as long as you believe in me…"

Lenalee's smile widened at hearing those words and nodded in response. "Of course I believe you. You're strong, Allen, stronger than anyone I know." The white-haired teen blushed at that comment and then chuckled lightly.

"Are you sure about that? I mean, personally, I always thought Kanda was stronger; not just physically, but also mentally," he spoke, fidgeting his fingers in his lap.

"Of course Kanda is strong, but so are you. You've managed to deal with something so devastating and still manage to keep a cool head. You're doing exactly what Mana told you to do and that is to, 'Keep walking, Allen Walker'."

Allen sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't want to tell Lenalee that he wasn't acting strong; he was starting to become more and more timid than ever before. He didn't want to face reality when that reality didn't include some of his closest friends. Of course, he was very thankful to have Lenalee by his side, but even she couldn't fill the now gaping hole in his heart. Besides, even if she could, why place such a heavy burden on one innocent girl alone? He wouldn't be much of a friend if he did that…

Now Lenalee was starting to worry. The silence that filled the room had lasted long enough when she quickly spoke up again. "Are you all right, Allen-kun?"

Hearing those words and that smooth as silk voice snapped Allen quickly out of his thoughts and back into reality. He then replied with a voice that was as shaky as someone who was completely oblivious to the current situation at hand. "Huh? O-oh, I'm fine…" he quickly lied. Luckily for Lenalee, he had never really been the best liar, which is why he almost always got caught in very awkward situations.

Just like now.

"Allen…" she replied in a very motherly sort of way with her hands placed firmly on her hips. "I know you're not fine; you told me about the nightmare you had and how it's affecting you. Please don't lie and say everything's fine when it's not." She then sighed exasperatedly before continuing. "When I said that you are strong, I meant it, but currently you are proving that that is not the case. Just a few minutes ago you were able to tell me everything that was on your mind and now you're withholding it all. So please, all I ask is that you not lie and speak the truth. I won't hold anything against you; I'm your friend and I'm here when you need me the most…" Letting her words trail off, she averted her gaze away from Allen and bowed her head. Bringing her right hand up to her heart, she tried to suppress the tears that begged to fall.

Allen had quickly realized that what he said only minutes earlier was greatly affecting his friend's usually cheery mood. He attempted to speak words of encouragement, only to have his voice break and become mute. Instead, he reached out to wrap his arms gently around the girl and embrace her in a comforting and friendly way. Before he did, however, his arms fell limp almost unconsciously and he felt his body shift back slightly on the bed. If he wanted so badly to comfort her and tell her not to be upset, why couldn't he bring himself to reassure her of everything by physical and verbal means?

As if she was able to hear Allen's thoughts, Lenalee lifted her head and looked back up at him with teary eyes. It was obvious that the sadness inside her had become so overwhelming that forcing it to lie dormant was futile.

"Don't worry about me, Allen. I'm fine; I just needed some time to think. I'm really okay." However, the expression on her face said otherwise, which Allen easily picked up on.

"Lenalee…" he began and then cut himself off, unsure of how exactly to phrase what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her not to worry about him and that everything would be fine, he would be fine, but something was holding him back from speaking those words. Was it because deep down he knew that everything was not fine, or at least, not right now? It would definetely take more time for his heart to completely heal and it was probably the same for Lenalee. Of course, she tried her best to hide her sadness and put on a smiling face for everyone, but he knew the truth…at least now he did. Her tears were an obvious sign that she had been holding her feelings back for quite some time and was just now letting them fall free. He figured that he might as well let her get everything off of her chest all at once. If it would make her feel even the slightest bit better, he would do anything…

Lenalee saw Allen's worried expression and quickly wiped away the tears that were forming around her eyes. She wanted to be strong, strong for Allen, but most of all for herself. Of course she missed the others, but they wouldn't want her to mourn for them forever. They would want her to move on with her life and be happy. She knew that it was going to be difficult, but as long as she still had people that cared for her, like Allen, she could pull through anything.

"Lenalee, it's okay to be sad. The losses that we experienced were difficult to bear and even harder to overcome. They were all great friends and will be dearly missed by everyone at the Order. We just have to stay strong and not let ourselves to be overwhelmed by despair. We're friends and we can help each other through this troubled time; you be there for me and I'll be there for you. That's a relationship that can never be broken; whether through life or death, we'll always be there for each other." He then moved closer and pulled the girl into a warm embrace, this time with no hesitation to stop him. Lenalee blushed, but returned the hug with the same warmth emanating from her own body. She was definetely glad that she was able to get everything off of her chest and to have someone like Allen to confide things in. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted from her chest and everything was starting to fall back into place. She didn't feel so alone anymore and knew now that she never would be.

"Thank you Allen," she replied after the brief moment of silence while still keeping her arms wrapped around her friend. She still wanted to stay in this position, if only for a little while longer. It made her feel safe, warm…and comforted. The world could crumble and break apart around them and she wouldn't know or care. For right now, the whole world consisted of the two of them, sitting side by side in the comfort of their own embrace.

Allen then gently pulled back and stared straight into the girl's deep violet orbs and smiled, holding her hands in his. "You don't need to thank me Lenalee," he whispered softly and then added, "I should be thanking you. You were the one who came to me and gave me the strength I needed to move on. I felt weak before, but now I feel like I can do just about anything. The encouragement you gave to me will not be wasted and will never be forgotten. Thank you Lenalee…for everything you've done for me. I definetely owe you one." He then felt a sudden rush of heat on his face and couldn't hide the obvious blush that had now formed on it. When he saw Lenalee giggle, his smile widened and he pulled himself up from his sitting position, bringing her up with him. The two stood hand-in-hand together for a minute before Lenalee gestured to Allen to head out.

"How about we head downstairs and grab some breakfast? I'm sure Jerry will cook you up all your favourites just the way you like them." She then saw Allen break into a brighter smile and nod his head slowly, yet enthusiastically. Still with his fingers intertwined with hers, he followed her lead out into the semi-darkened hallway. The only light came from the gas lamps lining the walls, approximately two meters separating each one. It was still rather early in the morning, around eight o'clock and everyone was just beginning to awaken from their long night's sleep. They noticed a few passerby along the way who briefly said 'Good morning' and then proceeded to where they figured was the cafeteria. This was the time that breakfast was first served to the early-risers and then everyone else would slowly drag themselves in within the hour. Lenalee was usually one of the early-risers and would always try and wake Allen up to go with her. It was their usual morning routine.

After the brief, yet comforting moment of silence, Allen decided to break in with a few more words of gratitude for his friend.

"Thanks again, Lenalee…" he began in a whisper and then added, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't showed up. You're a really good friend." Even though it seemed as though his smile couldn't get any wider, it did. Lenalee couldn't help but smile back, the twinkle in her eyes shimmering ever so brightly. It was nice to be spending quality time alone, just the two of them. Ever since the chaos the Ark incident had caused, things around Headquarters were anything but quiet. Now the time they finally had together seemed almost too good to be true. Of course, they both knew that it was truer than they could ever imagine…

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_**Xx.Hikari the Light.xX: **__Well? How was it? I hope you all enjoyed it and the best part is…it's not over yet! There will be a bonus chapter coming soon so stick around to find out what it will be about. So until then, review! Constructive criticism is welcome, but no flames. They will be used to roast my marshmallows, which I will then use to make smores._

_Ja ne! _


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